


Tear me to pieces and make me feel whole

by justhockey



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Christopher Diaz is a National Treasure, Coming Out, Didn't Know They Were Dating, Domestic Fluff, Feelings Realization, Firehouse 118 as Family (9-1-1 TV), Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, M/M, No Angst, Oblivious Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Supportive Firehouse 118 Crew (9-1-1 TV)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-07
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-03-12 23:34:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29268819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justhockey/pseuds/justhockey
Summary: And that’s when it clicks. In the pasta aisle of the grocery store, at 10am on a Saturday morning. Buck is frowning as he tries to decide what to get - and Eddie is in love with him.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 68
Kudos: 911
Collections: 9-1-1 Tales





	Tear me to pieces and make me feel whole

**Author's Note:**

> Title from _Fall on Me_ by A Great Big World.

It happens in the grocery store, of all places. Eddie and Buck have a rare Saturday off, so they drag Chris to the store early to miss the crowds. And if they bribed Chris with a trip to the park later, well. You gotta pick your battles. 

Eddie is pushing the shopping cart because Buck absolutely cannot be trusted with it after that one time, when they got to the check out only for Eddie to realise half the items in the cart were made entirely of sugar. So. He’s in charge of filtering through the items that Chris and Buck put in it, and putting a good three quarters of them back on the shelves. 

Buck is following Christopher around the store just a few steps ahead of Eddie, listening to his suggestions and requests, and never saying no. Like, ever. All Christopher has to do is look up at Buck and smile, and the idiot is putty in his hands. And it’s endearing, how much Buck loves Christopher. Except for how it means the kid gets away with everything and Eddie is stuck being the boring parent. 

They stop on the cereal aisle and Eddie immediately knows what’s coming, because this happens every single time, whether it’s all three of them, or just him and Chris, or just Eddie and Buck. Every damn time. 

“Dad-“

“Nope,” Eddie says before Chris can even get it out. 

He doesn’t look at his son, because he knows that pout he’s got going on is absolutely lethal. He can’t fall victim to it when he knows that Buck definitely will. 

“Bucky?” He says, changing tactics. 

“Yeah, superman?” Buck asks. 

“Can we get the lucky charms?”

And there it is. Every damn week, either Buck or Chris tries to make Eddie cave and get the lucky charms. Eddie manages to hold his ground at least 50% of the time. Okay, 45%. 

“Course we can buddy, here, I’ll-“

Buck takes the box out of Chris’ hands and turns to put them in the cart, but he stops when he sees the look Eddie is giving him. He’s familiar with it by now, he sees it at least a dozen times a day. It’s Eddie’s ‘Buck, no’ face, but all he gets in response is a ‘Buck, yes’ grin. That’s exceptionally familiar too, unfortunately. 

“Buckley, don’t you dare,” Eddie warns. 

God, he’s almost as good as Chris at this, the way his eyes widen and his mouth turns down at the corners. Dios, this is why Eddie is losing his six pack. He can’t say no to both of them. 

“But we didn’t get them last week,” Buck tries to negotiate. 

“No.”

“But please,” both Chris and Buck say, in perfect synchronisation. 

Anyone would think they’d practiced it - and knowing them, they probably have. 

Eddie leaves the aisle with a box of lucky charms in his cart and a phantom cavity in his teeth - from the sugar in the cereal, and the sickening sweetness of his son and best friend. He can’t even be mad when they team up on him, he just finds himself thinking how lucky he is to have this life, after everything else that’s gone wrong up to this point. 

He stands back and just watches for a minute, the way Christopher looks up at Buck like he has the answers to the universe, and the way Buck smiles and bends down so he can look Chris in the eye when he’s talking. Their relationship is something Eddie never expected, and he can’t believe that Buck - who’s big and loud and hyper - becomes so soft and gentle with Chris. 

It makes Eddie’s heart squeeze in his chest when Buck lets Chris wander away a little, but keeps one eye on him the whole time - giving Chris the freedom he so desperately craves, but always having his back. Buck treats him exactly like Eddie does, like he’s Chris’ dad too. 

And that’s when it clicks. In the pasta aisle of the grocery store, at 10am on a Saturday morning. Buck is frowning as he tries to decide what to get - and Eddie is in love with him. 

It doesn’t feel like something new, exactly. Because Eddie has loved Buck almost since the beginning, it’s hardly a surprise. But the way Buck is chewing on his bottom lip and his brows are furrowed - Eddie just wants to kiss him. And that _is_ new, maybe. Or maybe it’s just the first time he’s seen it for what it is. But either way, Buck is standing there in front of him, and Eddie just loves him. 

Because Buck is his and Christopher’s family, he’s the person Eddie turns to for everything, and the person he trusts more than anyone in this world. He makes the hard days seem easier, and the good days feel wonderful. He’s the sun that Eddie orbits around, like without Buck everything is just dark. 

Loving Buck is easier than breathing. So easy in fact, that Eddie hadn’t even realised he was doing it. But when Eddie looks back, at the way they’ve been raising Chris together, at the way they exist in each other’s space with such familiarity - yeah. This has been there the whole time. 

And he could freak out, maybe. But Buck is by his side, and nothing feels so scary with Buck around. So it’s easy for Eddie to rest a hand on his shoulder. 

“I love you,” he says. 

Buck doesn’t even look at him when he says, “Yeah, I love you too, man,” with a soft smile on his lips. 

Eddie could leave it at that, could leave it as buddies and everything would stay the same. And it would be amazing, because everything with Buck is amazing - it feels like the greatest gift just getting to have Buck in his life. He doesn’t want to do that though. 

“No, Buck,” Eddie says. 

Buck must hear something in his voice because he turns to face him, and his face is open and relaxed in a way that it only ever seems to be around Eddie. He’s still smiling, soft and trusting like he always is. 

“ _I love you_ ,” Eddie repeats. 

Buck’s eyes widen, and his smile stretches into a grin so bright that Eddie almost looks away. Almost, but not quite - doesn’t think he ever could. 

“Yeah?” Buck asks, voice and eyes so filled with hope. 

Eddie nods. “Yeah.”

“I love you too,” Buck replies. 

And then he leans forward and kisses Eddie in the middle of the store. 

It’s quick and chaste, like they’ve been doing this for years and will continue to do it for the rest of their lives. Eddie thinks he’d like that, and the smile on Buck’s face tells him all he needs to know about where Buck stands on the matter. 

“So do you want spaghetti or penne?” 

Buck asks it like their lives haven’t just changed immeasurably, like Eddie hasn’t just got everything he never knew he wanted in the space of a couple of minutes. 

It’s so quintessentially _Buck_ that Eddie can’t help but laugh. And then Buck is laughing too, and they’re leaning on each other, and Eddie can’t help but catch Buck’s lips in another kiss. When they pull back they’re both smiling like all their dreams have just come true. Maybe it’s because they have. 

“Dad?” Christopher’s voice comes from behind them. 

Eddie’s glances at Buck for a second, because he knows that tone of voice - it’s Christopher’s _‘I want’_ voice. And by the look in Buck’s eyes, he knows that too. 

“Nope,” Eddie answers, out of instinct. 

Buck rolls his eyes and Eddie hears Christopher sigh behind them. 

“Buck?” Chris says, because the kid is too damn smart for his own good. 

“What is it, buddy?” Buck asks, winking at Eddie before rushing to Chris’ side to see what he wants. 

Eddie knows there’s absolutely no point in trying to argue. He couldn’t say no to Buck _before_ he knew what his mouth tasted like. And now? Well. Now he has no chance.

**—————**

Buck has torn down everything Eddie thought he knew about his life and who he is as a person, and he’s built it back up in a way that makes Eddie feel whole again. And he did it all without Eddie even realising it was happening. But now that he does know, now that this is something he gets to have, Eddie can’t get enough of it. 

Nothing really changes between them, because they’ve basically been dating for the past two years, just without the kissing and the sex, and the whole, _knowing about it,_ thing. So they don’t even really have to talk about much because they both know what they want, and that’s everything. With each other. 

They spend the same amount of time together as they always have done, except now a significant portion of that time is spent with their mouths and hands on each other, like they’re horny teenagers who are in love for the first time. And that’s kind of what it feels like for Eddie - being in love for the first time. 

Because he always thought that, if he ever found love again after Shannon, it would be scary. He would be cautious, and hesitant, and always holding his cards close to his chest. But this isn’t just anybody, it’s _Buck._

So there’s no fear of jumping in head first and giving his everything to Buck, because Eddie knows that he will always be there to catch him. It feels both brand new, and also the most familiar thing in the world - like every time they kiss is the first time, but also like they’ve been doing it from the very beginning. 

The only thing they really have to discuss is who’s going to know about it. 

“ _Not_ Maddie,” Buck immediately says. 

It’s late one night, a couple days after their first kiss in the grocery store, and Chris is tucked up in bed. So they’re on the couch, with Buck’s feet in Eddie’s lap and a movie playing in the background. 

“Dude, she’s your sister,” Eddie laughs, squeezing one of Buck’s ankles. 

Buck gives him a resigned look and pokes his toes into Eddie’s thigh. 

“Yeah, and if we tell Maddie then she’s gonna tell Chim,” Buck explains. “And if Chim knows, _everyone_ knows.”

And okay, yeah. Eddie can see where he’s coming from now. 

“You may have a point,” he agrees. 

Buck sits up then, pulling his legs back and crossing them beneath him as he leans forward to rest his forehead on Eddie’s shoulder. It’s instinct by now, for Eddie to reach a hand up and begin to play with the curls at the base of Buck’s neck. He lets out a happy little sigh, and tilts his head to kiss just beneath Eddie’s jaw. 

“Not for long,” Buck says quietly. “We can tell them all soon, I just - I want this to be for us, right now. And for Christopher. Just something that’s ours for a while, before everyone starts throwing in their two cents.” 

Eddie gets it. He also gets the hint of insecurity that he can hear in Buck’s tone. Because they both know that their team will be nothing but supportive of them, but there’s still that tiny flicker of fear in the back of their minds. 

Especially for Buck, who had confessed to Eddie early one morning as they lay in bed, that he was worried the team would judge him. That, after seeing Buck 1.0 in full swing, they would think he wasn’t the right person for Eddie, the right person to have a serious relationship with someone who has a kid. 

But Eddie had pulled him close and kissed him softly, and told him there was no one in the world more perfect for him than Buck. And then Christopher had stumbled into their bedroom and pulled Buck out of bed, demanding bacon and pancakes before school. So that was that. 

“Whenever you’re ready, baby,” Eddie promises, kissing Buck’s temple.

**—————**

Things never work out as planned though, so honestly, Eddie doesn’t even know why they bother. 

It’s a Sunday afternoon and the whole team is at Bobby and Athena’s for lunch. Everyone is milling around, drifting in and out of conversation, or sitting down to snack at one of the dishes everyone brought round. It’s just a typical lunch really, they’ve done it dozens of times before. 

Chris is playing with Denny and Harry, Maddie is letting Nia poke at her baby bump, Chim and Hen are bickering as always. It’s an easy kind of chaos, where there are people everywhere but they all know that they belong. It’s familiar to Eddie, having grown up in a Mexican family, but this is the kind of thing that never grows old for Buck. He grew up with absent parents and just Maddie for company, so it’s written all over his face how much he loves this. 

And Eddie doesn’t mean to do it, he really doesn’t. He’s just handing Buck a glass of lemonade as he talks to David, Michael’s boyfriend. But it’s the way that Buck stops mid-sentence, turning his full attention on Eddie as he takes the glass from him. 

“Thanks,” he says, treating to Eddie his softest of smiles. 

So it’s not Eddie’s fault, really, because what else is he supposed to do? He doesn’t even think about it, just leans forward and grazes his lips over Buck’s in the sweetest of kisses. 

“You’re welcome, babe,” Eddie says. 

They’re so wrapped up in each other for a moment, that it takes the complete silence of the room to make them realise what just happened. Eddie can feel his eyes widen as he watches a flush spread across Buck’s cheeks, and it’s Christopher’s giggle from across the room that spurs everyone into action. 

“ _What?_ Chim splutters. 

“Evan Buckley,” Maddie says, threateningly. 

“Oh I _knew_ it,” May calls out, and Athena chuckles. 

“It’s about damn time,” Hen mutters under he breath. 

And Karen says, “Surprised it took them this long.”

And whatever fear they were harbouring, about how everyone would react or if they were going to be judged - it all just disappears. Buck lets out a quiet, breathless laugh, and Eddie kisses him again, just because he can. Because this is his life now. 

There are mumbled conversations about betting pools, and guesses about how and when it happened, and who made the first move. And Eddie and Buck should probably care more about the fact that their family and friends seem to having been making bets on them for quite some time, but honestly, it’s all just background noise. 

Buck’s hand finds its way to Eddie’s thigh, and Eddie takes hold of it and laces their fingers together. They rest their joint hands on the table for everyone to see, and no one says a word when Buck rests his head on Eddie’s shoulder. (Except for Chim, who makes an obnoxious gagging sound. Maddie just hits him). 

“So, you’ll never guess where he told me,” Buck says. 

Eddie groans, and everyone leans closer to hear the story, and it’s absolutely perfect.

**Author's Note:**

> Here u go


End file.
